I’m not out to change religion… the last set of commandments has served us well for the last 2,000 or so years. But times have changed and I think that it’s time to introduce a new set of commandments to abide by for the 21st century. Things aren’t the same as they were 2,000 years ago. You don’t need to worry about Abraham next door stealing one of your sheep, (or at least I hope not!). So without further ado, I present to the world my own ten commandments…
Thou shalt not:
1- Text while driving
2- Spam thy neighbor
3- Scam thy stockholders
4- Drive a gas-guzzler
5- Buy a television under 42 inches
6- Piss off China
7- Stay at home whilst hurricanes blow thyn ass away
8- Piss off North Korea
9- You know what?… you better just not piss of anyone
10- Audition for American Idol whilst thou knows thy self cannot sing to save thy life
Oh yeah, killing is still bad too, sorry.
I have the strangest feeling that I’m going to catch so much heat from this….
Tags: ten commandments
June 23rd, 2009 at 12:34 am
No heat! I like i.
December 1st, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Haha. that’s just awesome. I like how you go the thou shout not kill one in there at the last minute!! classic
February 24th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
i love ellen but this schtick was so lame. everything about last night was lame. i really believe this whole thing is totally fixed and scripted from day one. almost makes me not wanna watch idol.